The REAL Truth About Ousmane II

So today Ousmane II came over with his friend (can’t conjure his name but I know his face and he was the one who brought the exterminator over and he has been friends with Ousmane II since they were kids [his name is Bella]). Ousmane II was troubled, to be sure. He informed me that when he had borrowed my phone yesterday and hiked up the mountain and talked to his family members, basically it had come down that he is obliged to go through with this marriage.

Here’s the story. So his mom lives here in my village and “vraiment”, she is old. Ousmane II is her youngest child. Evidently the others have not come through for her. She needs help around the house. It’s women who help around the house. If Ousmane II takes a wife from this village, she will be obliged to help his mom at the house. I do not doubt she needs the help. So basically, Ousmane II is obliged to accept this proposal because his poor mom needs someone there and none of his other siblings have provided this help (although there appear to be at least two twenty-to-thirty year old women living there plus a couple of younger men [like teens]). I ask if he is going to stay here, then, after the marriage (which will happen in the next 2 months). He says no…he is still going to leave the country.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE MARRIAGE??? Basically it is like contracting free labor. In the States we would hire a nurse or find someone who wanted free room and board in exchange for helping around the house. Here you TAKE A WIFE to fulfill this role. But the husband is IN NO WAY obliged to stick around at all. He’s gotta send her money, support her financially, but be around? No way. I spend a lot of time on my porch as Ousmane II is sitting there with my face in my hands, smiling sadly, shaking my head, and they want to know what I’m thinking and not only is it difficult to explain in French, it’s difficult to explain culturally because they do NOT understand the idea of LOVE. Of all-encompassing, earth-shattering, mind-opening, body-overtaking LOVE and I have NO IDEA how to explain it. I don’t even know that it ever happens here!

I know he wants more. And then Lundi and a friend showed up at my house (first time she has been here) and Ousmane II looked very malcontent about this indeed. I did my best to seem cheerful and told her I needed her to make me a complet for the wedding and brought out my two big fabrics (enough fabric for a whole complet, anyway) and asked which was more “jolie” (literally, beautiful but also, appropriate) and they picked the dark blue one with the cracked footprints on it and I said I would either sketch her what I wanted or find a complet of someone’s to use as a model. She was agreeable.

When they left, Ousmane II did his duty and walked them to the gate and said some words and when he came back looked thoroughly troubled and it came out that he did not know how they tracked him to my house but then his friend (Bella) said he had told them he was coming here before they left for my house and told them they should join them and Ousmane II relaxed a little.

It makes me want to scream. I try to explain to them why I find it awful. That if someone’s parents told them they had to marry someone in the States, the person would be like, “NO! It’s my life!” Parents don’t have control like that. But there is just more at work here. This is certainly not America.

There is no McDonald’s. That sounds really stupid, but I’m not talking about the food or the convenience (we have fast food, it’s called rice bars). What I mean is that you can’t just get a job like THAT. I know, I worked at McDonald’s. Anyone can get a job there. You might screw it up and get fired, but you can get a job. And little by little save money and little by little make your way to doing what you want to do. WE HAVE NO IDEA how easy this is for us in the States. In the States there is NO REASON that someone with the will should not make their way. None at all. Nothing stands before you, my friends. Go out there and conquer the world. Or at least the city you live in, because in America anyone can do it. And now I truly understand The American Dream. And why everyone would want to have it.

And while I mourn for my friend, at the same time it is literally just like conscripting hired help. Because in Guinea you can have 4 wives. And he is still going to leave the country. So when it comes down to it, by doing this marriage he will help his mom, but it doesn’t ACTUALLY hold him down at all. He can still go to Cote d’Ivoire or wherever and if he ever has the lucky chance to actually fall in love, he can still do that. So in a way he actually might kind of be fortunate. Not the way we are fortunate in the States. But fortunate enough that someday he might find happiness. And maybe that will be enough. Now if only Lundi had the same options.