"Consolidation" Sucks

It's not so much that I mind being here in PC Mali's training compound with all my colleagues but it SUCKS to not be in Guinea anymore. It's like the old saying: "you don't know what you've got til it's gone." I miss my dog SO MUCH. I left him with Ousmane II and Kareem. My fellow volunteers joke that the people of my village are at this moment enjoying Yogi "brochettes" (basically, meat shish kebobs). Too soon.

We range between laughing and crying pretty frequently and personally I am in a bit of denial that we won't be going back to Guinea because I REALLY want to go back.

But I don't think we are going back. And it SUCKS. It sucks worse than anything else: worse than leaving home for college, worse than transferring schools to different states, worse than summer camp coming to an end. Because the people we left behind became not only our friends but our FAMILY. And we did not get to say proper goodbyes or cry about it (because Guineans don't cry in public). And also because those people we love are now in danger. In an unstable African country in complete confusion. And the more we hear about violence and instability, the more pictures and videos we see, the harder it is to justify to ourselves just leaving them there as if "it isn't our fight."

And it SUCKS abandoning your dog. Who you got when he was the size of your palm. Who can't understand why you left him or what happened. Who stood by you during all the toughest times of your service in an unfamiliar country.

Anyway. The idea now is that if the Guinea program has to be suspended (we should know this early next week), the majority of us (who aren't close to COS) will try to transfer countries. The good news is that there are several countries saying they can take 10-15 of us apiece, so we will all probably be able to find a spot. The bad news is none of those spots will be Guinea. And that's the next part to come to peace with.